I'll Never Let Them Hurt You
by MagicShroomsAndToast
Summary: Frank has been haunted by nightmares for the past five years. Luckily he has Gerard to help him.
1. The Nightmare

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Nightmare.**

I ran. I didn't stop. Branches slashed my cheeks and the cold air stung the cuts. Narrowly missing trees that seemed to spring up in front of me. That's when I realised that I couldn't hear anything except my own feet pounding the hard forest floor below and my rapid breathing. Where the hell was my dad? He was right behind me a minute ago.

I slowed to a jog then collapsed in an exhausted state on a felled tree. My lungs were burning, my breathing was rapid and un-organised. That's when I felt it, a shuddering jolt rippled through my body. It was after me... no, there was a name. My name. Someone was runnning towards me shouting my name.

"Frank?" The voice without a body shouted through the dense greenery.

"Frank!" It calls again and then he floated into view. Above me? But, oh wait. I'd had another nightmare.

"Frank, you had the nightmare again didn't you?" asked Gerard, re-arranging the pillows behind me so I could lean on them.

"Yeah, it's been happening a lot lately." I replied, removing my damp shirt and throwing it on the floor.

"It's okay, i'm still here."

I could tell he was smiling sympathetically at me through the darkness as he wrapped his warm, protective arms around my shaking body. When my heart had slowed down, he pulled away from the embrace.

"I'll go run us a bath." Gerard said, as he turned on the table lamp.

"But it's..." I looked at the clock next to my bed, _4:17am_, "not even half four in the morning."

"I know," Gerard let out a short laugh, "but it'll calm you down and besides, you're wet through anyway." he turned and left my room.

It was true, the nightmare always brings on a cold sweat, i've never been able to control it. It happens when I get nervous. At least when i'm on stage it's thanks to the hot lights and the performance.

This nightmare i've been having, it's all down to a real event. When I was 16, I went fishing with my dad and we were camping overnight in this national forest in the middle of New Hampshire. My mom wasn't happy with us going out there from Belleville because it's about five hours away but my dad managed to persuade her.

The next morning, we set off at about six in the morning to get there on time to set up the tent and the rods when we got there. Everything was fine, i'd atually managed to catch a few fish and set the tent up without too much trouble. Then sunset came and that's when things turned for the worse. My dad had helped me to light a fire and the smoke was ascending high above the trees, the smell of the cooking fish was travelling with the smoke which must have been what attracted the bear.

It appeared from the deep undergrowth about ten minutes after we put the fish on the fire. It sniffed the air a few times and alternated between looking at me and my dad then the fish. Then it lifted itself up onto its hind legs and my dad told me to look away.

"Frankie? I need you to stay really quiet and look away from it. If it charges, run. Run as fast as you can, i'll be right behind you."

I tried to interject, I wasn't going to leave my dad with this bear, "But dad I..."

"Shush Frank," he said firmly but quietly, "I'll be right behind you, it only wants the fish."

Too late, the bear snarled and ran at us, I did follow my dad's instructions but with regret. I didn't stop running, to this day I hate knowing that I didn't go back to him. I'm just lucky that I ran straight into the campsite of the Way brothers otherwise I would have never gotten home. Of course, at that time I didn't know that Gerard, the eldest Way brother, would become my boyfriend. He was just a guy helping a scared and distraught sixteen year old boy that ran smack bang into the side of his tent. I still remember the conversation despite it being five years ago, I don't know how, maybe it's because the situation was so unusual but anyway...

I remember running into this tent and being really confused and disorientated for a few seconds, I stumbled backwards and tried to get my bearings, that's when Mikey came out of the tent with an equally confused look on his face. He told me to sit down and offered me some water.

"Gerard?" Mikey shouted into the trees, I remember it scaring the shit out of me because I thought his shouts would attract the bear. I started shaking again, the water sloshed about in the flask i'd been given.

"Gerard!" That's when he appeared from behind a thick tree trunk. A tall, skinny boy with black matted hair, carrying a pile of twigs and branches. He dropped them down next to me and asked my name and what had happened.

"Well, Frank it's a good job you ran into knows what you would have done if you hadn't. You can stay with us tonight and we'll drive you home tomorrow. I'm truly sorry that you've lost your dad, he was a brave man to make you run when he stayed. Look, if you need anything just ask us okay?"

That was the first time I saw his famous sympathetic smile that i've grown to know. It looks cute on him and usually makes me feel better but, at that moment, the only thing I wanted in the world was my dad.


	2. The Anniversary

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Anniversary.**

"Frank? Bath's ready." Gerard called from the bathroom. Got lost in my thoughts again. I got out of bed and wandered aimlessly to the bathroom where Gee was already sitting in the large tub.

I'd invested in it a couple of years ago, I wanted a bath that was big enough to properly sink into when I was alone and so I could share it when I wasn't. Really it's more like a hot tub but bath shaped, not square... anyway.

I took off my boxers, the only bit of clothing I had left on, and watched Gerard's eyes follow them to the floor and then back up my body. I laughed and rolled my eyes at him as that stupid smirk crept onto his lips, then I joined him in the tub. After leaning back and letting out a large sigh I started to feel a bit better.

"Turn around." Gerard said.

"Um, why?" I questioned, he never usually asks me to move when we're in the bath.

"Just do it, trust me." I shook my head and did as I was told. Gerard's arms wrapped around my torso and he started kissing my neck.

"Gee, not now I..."

"Shhhh," he whispered. I couldn't help but feel confused. Gerards hands moved from my chest to my shoulders and he started massaging them, I couldn't control a small moan escaping from my throat. He laughed light-heartedly.

"Right, now tell me why you think you've been having these nightmares again suddenly." he said gently, adding more pressure to the massage.

"I don't know, I mean, it's not like anything's happened recently." I replied, feeling the tension in my back slip away. Gerard's always been good at massaging and with his hands in general ha!

"Anything coming up?"

"What, you mean apart from my dick?" We both laugh, I love sharing little moments like this with him, we've both been too serious lately because of my nightmares.

"But no, not that I can think of..." I paused for a moment thinking of anything I could've forgotton about, "wait, what date is it?"

"Uh, 10th I think, of July."

That's when it hit me, the 12th is the anniversary of my dad's funeral. It haunts me every year, I doubt my mom feels any better.

"Oh Frankie, i'm sorry. It's the anniversary isn't it?" Gerard said, he knows. He felt my shoulders tense up again. He's good at knowing what's happening in my head.

"I guess this means we're going to see my mom." I said as I turned back around to face Gerard.

"Yeah, well it's not like I mind." Gee smiled before giving me a brief kiss. He pulled away just before I yawned in his face. "Tired?" he asked.

"Yeah, back to bed?" I suggested as I stood up.

"Good idea. Oh and don't wave that thing in my face if I don't get to use it." Gerard grinned, nodding his head towards my dick.

"Sorry." I winked, climbing out of the bath.


	3. The Meeting Part 1

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Meeting - Part 1.**

You already know about what happened in the forest. But how me and Gerard actually got together? That's a different story.

The night I ran into the Way brother's tent, well, I was just a scared confused sixteen year old and Gerard was just a guy willing to help. After he'd asked my name and what had happened, he gave me some antiseptic cream for the cuts on my face and gave me his sleeping bag.

"What are you gonna sleep in then?" I asked.

"Ah i'll be fine, we have blankets in the car, i'll sleep in there."

"Oh Gerard, always the hero." his brother Mikey winked and punched him in the arm.

I can't say I didn't feel a little uneasy about sharing a tent with people i've never met but this was better than running through the forest alone all night wasn't it? And besides, they'd already been so kind to me, the least I could do was be greatful.

Morning came and a blue lipped Gerard opened the car door and sat next to the remains of the fire with two blankets wrapped tightly around him.

"Cold night." He said simply as he kicked the dying embers.

"Yeah, it was." I replied, pulling the sleeping bag around me more.

"Mikey still sleeping?" asked Gerard, looking at the tent.

"Yeah. I was thinking of going to get some firewood to start this thing up again but I was too scared of... of... the bear." The last few words got caught in my throat and I had to pretend I was coughing.

"I doubt it'll be around anymore. But we'll ring the forest's animal control when I get a signal okay?" Gerard's voice had taken on a soft, warm tone that I couldn't help but trust. I turned to face him. He was already looking at me.

"Okay." He didn't turn away. Neither did I.

Mikey then emerged from the tent and stood next to us.

"Anyone for breakfast?"

"Yeah," Gerard said quickly, breaking the gaze between us.

"Well move your arse and get some firewood then. What you planning on cooking this porridge with? The air?" Mikey's sarcasm was harsh but Gerard just smiled at him.

"I'm going." He held up his hands defensively and wandered into the forest.

"So, Frank, I never got the chance to ask last night but how old are you?" Mikey asked, after watching his brother disappear behind a tree.

"Uh sixteen." I replied.

"Oh cool, i'm seventeen and Gerard's twenty. My mom forced us to get out of the house for a bit and we couldn't wait." Mikey laughed, but the thought of my mom telling me and my dad not to go just came flooding back to me and I started crying again.

**"**Whoa, what's wrong?" Mikey asked, putting an arm around me awkwardly, he obviously didn't know what he should do.

"My mom... she told me and my dad not to come... we didn't listen." I broke down again.

"We'll contact your mom when we get a signal and the paramedics. You never know, your dad could still be alive, he could have just been bitten and then the bear ran off. It's the best we can hope for. He might still be hanging on somewhere." Mikey was trying to help, I could tell in his voice. Hopefully he was right about my dad I mean, he is pretty smart and he's dealt with bears before. Maybe he's up a tree, he knows how to climb, he taught me when I was younger. I started to feel a little more optimistic until Gerard came back with a bombshell.

He was pale, paler than he was this morning anyway and he had no firewood, just a look on his face as if he'd seen a ghost.

"What's happened?" Mikey stood up quickly, looking at his brother with concern. Gerard did a little nod with his head as if to say 'come here'. Mikey looked at me confusedly for a moment, but I was just as blank as him. He walked over to his older brother and Gerard whispered something in his ear and gestured to the forest.

Mikey turned and looked just as pale as Gerard. Then Gerard walked towards me, slowly.

"Don't say it, please don't say it..." My voice was barely a whisper.

"I've seen... a body...I don't know if it's, I..."

"NO!" I shouted, it felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach.

"I don't believe you! It's not my dad!" The tears came again, streaming down my face hot and fast. My head was spinning, trying to make sense of it all.

"Frank! Please try to calm down, you need to be rational about this. Getting worked up is going to make you feel worse." Mikey had rushed over to us and was shouting, his attempt at keeping calm was the opposite of effective.

I ran past Mikey, pushing him with my shoulder as I went. I went to where Gerard had just appeared from and there, in front of me, was the body.

I stopped breathing, I felt dizzy, I turned and threw up what little amount of food I had in my stomach and tried to regain the ability to breathe. No time to breathe, time to throw up again.

The image has stayed with me since it happened. It's been in most of my nightmares.


	4. The Meeting Part 2

**I'll Never let Them Hurt You **

**The Meeting - Part 2.**

I must have passed out because when I woke up I was in the back of an ambulance with blankets around me. The doors were open and the greenery of the forest came into view, blurry, but I was definitely still in the forest.

I sat up slowly, feeling the pang in my stomach as I did. Gerard and Mikey were sat on the hood of a cop car being questioned, I saw another ambulance across from mine, what the hell was going on? A doctor saw me and came over. He told me that:

My dad's body had been found and put in the other ambulance.

My mom had been called and drove down to confirm it was him.

Gerard and Mikey had been questioned about it.

I had, indeed, passed out at the sight of my father but i'd also been given a knockout drug.

Mikey had driven a few miles from the campsite in an attemt to find a signal.

He called the ambulance and took my phone from inside the tent to call my mom.

The paramedics called the police.

The police called wildlife control and they were still looking for bears, turns out they aren't supposed to be in the forest anyway. Something about a faulty electric fence.

My mom must have been told I was awake because she came running over in floods of tears, shaking and screaming my name. She held me tightly for what seemed like ages. I hugged her back, taking in her warmth, her smell, the fact that she was the only parent I had left. I hugged her tighter.

"Oh Frankie," she said finally, pulling away from me.

"You're lucky you ran into those two lovely boys." She gestured towards Mikey and Gerard and allowed a half hearted smile to sit on her lips, before it vanished as quickly as it came.

"I've invited them to the funeral. It'll be in about two days time." How was she being so calm about this? The memories of my reaction came back and I felt guilty for handling it so badly.

"Can we go home?" I asked her quietly.

"Yeah, honey. Sure we can." She kissed me on the cheek and left the ambulance. I watched her have a brief conversation with a police man and then she waved me over to the car. Before getting in, the Way brothers stopped me. I'd completely forgotten they were there.

"Hey, Frank? If you need anything call one of us yeah?" said Gerard, handing me a slip of paper. On it were their names and numbers.

"Thanks." I smiled and left for the car.

The days to my dad's funeral passed but slowly. The house seemed to get lonelier and lonelier. It was like torture hearing my mom cry herself to sleep. I went into her room bothe nights to sit on the bed and sing her to sleep, she never said it but I could tell she was greatful. Finally the funeral came around.

"You look so handsome," My mom said as I stepped out of my room in a black tux.

"You remind me so much of your father." She smiled and a tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away.

I sat at the front with all my remaining family members. During the service I looked for Gerard and Mikey, they were near the back with their mom and dad and I felt a surge of jealously. Anger even. That they had both their parents and I only had one. But the feelings disappeared when I thought about what they'd feel like if it was the other way around.

After the service, everyone came back to ours for drinks and a cake my neighbour made. People expressed their sympathy for me and my mother and lit candles for my dad, placing them on the dining room table around a photograph of him.

It was all getting too overwhelming. I ran upstairs to my room and broke down into my pillow. This was the first time i'd cried since being in the ambulance that day. I'd been staying strong for my mom and it stopped the tears from coming but this, what was happening downstairs, was too much all at once.

Knock, knock!

I wiped the tears off my face and sniffed, "Who is it?" I asked, I didn't want to see anyone and I didn't want them seeing me like this, especially if it was my mom.

"Frank? It's Gerard."


	5. The Meeting Part 3

**I'll never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Meeting - Part 3.**

I suppose I could let Gerard see me, he's already seen me cry. "Okay, come in."

He walked over and wrapped his arms around me protectively. It was the moment I fell for him. He was there when I ran from the bear. He was the first to see my dad. He was the first to ask me what was wrong. He offered me his sleeping bag and slept in the car for me. It was him.

"Nothing can get you here. I'll never let them hurt you." I smiled and pushed myself into his shoulder more, I couldn't get close enough to the guy... I barely even knew him.

From then, we started texting and calling each other. Yes I was sixteen and he had just turned twenty, but it didn't matter to us. And it's not like we did anything anyway. Yet.

We got together as an official couple a few months later, when I turned 17. My mom wasn't too happy with me going out with a person the same gender as me but when she saw how happy I was, the first time since dad's death, she kinda let it slip a little. The only thing she could still have a rant about was the different ages. It's not even that bad. And i'm seventeen. You'd think I was 12 and Gee was a peadophile the way she goes on about it sometimes.

But now, four years on, we're still together and we couldn't be happier. Yeah I know it's cheesy and gag inducing but it's true and I couldn't give a fuck. Better wake him up anyway, think I should go see my mom today.

"Gerard?"

He moaned grumpily and buried his face into the pillow.

"Gee, get up." I started jumping up and down on my bed.

He opened his eyes slowly, his forehead was creased in confusion, but the sight of me jumping around sent him into a fit of laughter.

"Awake now?" I asked, stopping jumping and leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.

"Yeah." He smiled and rolled out of bed.

"Come on, get ready. We're going to see my mom today."

"But the anniversary's in two days."

"Yeah I know, but it'll be nice to spend some time with her. It was about two weeks ago when we last saw her."

Gerard just stood there, waiting for me to say something else.

I laughed and playfully punched him in the arm. "We won't be staying long. Three days tops. You know what this means to me."

"Suppose." Gerard smiled and finished getting dressed.

"I'll go make us some breakfast." I said, heading out of the room.


	6. The Visit

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Visit**

My mom still lives in my childhood home. I moved out because there were too many memories of my dad connected to it. Maybe that's why she doesn't want to leave.

It's only about half an hour away in the car so, after breakfast, me and Gerard set off. I knocked on the door and was greeted with a kiss on the cheek and my mom trying to look happy. She knew why we were here.

"How are you, honey?" she asked me, taking my hand in hers.

"I'm okay I suppose. You?"

"I'm as okay as I'm going to get." She replied.

After I told her to go back inside, me and Gerard took our bags upstairs to my old bedroom. It hasn't changed at all. No sooner had we put the bags down, my mom was calling from downstairs, telling us that tea was ready.

"Typical Linda." Gerard laughed. I nodded in agreement and we went downstairs. Surprisingly my grandma was there. She's my mom's mom. I've seen her more since my dad's death, I think she's just keeping my mom company. She's been through this herself, her husband (my granddad) passed away when I was about four. I didn't really know him too well so it didn't have much of an impact, I just knew granddad had gone into the sky and he wasn't coming back. But now, seeing my mom loose her husband, I can appreciate how my grandma felt which must be the reason for why she's round here a lot.

We tried not to talk about dad, not yet anyway. Instead asking how people were, asking about my mom's new job, grandma added that she thought her new neighbours were inconsiderate youths which made us all laugh. Soon enough though, dad crept into the conversation.

"What do you want to do this year?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh, I don't know. We should just invite people round for tea and cake again like last year." My mom sounded like she couldn't care less about how we remembered dad this year, but she does it whenever we talk about him. She distances herself, makes it sound like it doesn't bother her. It's just because she doesn't want to get too emotional.

"Why don't you light some Chinese lanterns and write notes to him on them?" Gerard suggested after taking a sip of tea. He's always been good at coming up with creative ideas like that.

"That's actually a good idea for once." My grandma said. Unusual. She never agrees with Gerard's ideas. She hates him. Thinks I've been 'defiled' by him. That same sex relationships are an abomination and unnatural. Etc etc, you get the idea. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to though and it's not like Gerard cares what she thinks.

"Yeah it is. You're a genius." I said happily, grabbing Gerard's hand and ignoring my grandmothers death stares.

Late afternoon came and my grandma left but not before telling Gerard to keep his 'filthy' hands off me. Once the door was shut we burst out into laughter.

"Keep your filthy hands off my grandson, Gerard. I'm warning you, I'll call the authorities one day." I said mocking her voice.

"She's funny." Gerard said, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me towards him.

"Yeah but it'd be nice if she saw our relationship for what it is. Normal."

"Ah well, she's old isn't she? She's gonna stick with what she was brought up with. That only a man and a woman can have a relationship."

"Suppose." I replied with a smile. Gerard leaned in to kiss me and I let him, until we were interrupted by a small cough coming from the living room doorway.

"Boys, could you do that somewhere else please? Somewhere the neighbours can't see you." My mom said quietly.

"Uh, yeah sorry. We're going." I pulled Gerard upstairs by his wrist.

Once we were behind my closed door he said, "thought she was okay with me and you now?"

"She is, mostly."

"Well what was that about the neighbours seeing? Sounded like she was scared about being judged. Surely they know about us now?"

"Oh no, they're new. Moved in about a month ago." I replied, taking off my shirt and sitting on the bed.

"Oh right. Not the type of people that accept gay people then, I'm guessing?"

"Nope, very religious. Roman Catholics I think, strict bunch." I laughed and pulled Gerard down onto the bed with me. He smiled and took his own tee off.


	7. The Old Room

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Old Room.**

So many memories in this room. Not just because it's where I fell for Gerard, but because me and my dad had spent hours in here. He taught me how to play guitar and what trees were the best types to climb and how to identify different species of animals and fish along with other things. I remember sitting on my window seat with him looking out at Belleville in the dark and making up stories about the people we saw walking about. They're nice memories, ones i'll never forget.

"Frank? You okay?" Gerard asked me.

"Uh yeah, just thinking." I replied, cuddling up to him on the bed.

"About what? Anything in particular?"

"Just this room, everything connected to it."

"Hm," We both went silent for a moment before Gerard said, "it's where I first acknowledged that I had feelings for you."

A warm sensation filled my body and I got butterflies, I stared at the ceiling in an attempt to distract myself. "Really?" I asked simply after fixing on a spot.

"Yeah. At the time I was really worried because you were so young but you can't help your feelings right?" he said.

"No you can't. I should know, it's where I fell for you." I said it slowly, still staring at the ceiling.

I felt Gerard's weight shift on the bed as he turned on his side to face me. He put his mouth near my ear and whispered those infamous words, "Nothing can get you here. I'll never let them hurt you."

The warm feeling came back. I turned around and looked at him. He smiled and kissed me delicately. I don't think i've ever felt more in love with him. I pushed my lips back onto Gerards, eager to show him how much I love him. He put a hand on the back of my head and pulled me in closer, looks like we're thinking the same thing.

"Gee?" I asked after pulling away.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"I love you."

Gerard directed my face back towards his lips again. Why didn't he say it back? I started feeling nervous, what if i'd said it too early? He pulled away from the kiss and put his hand on my cheek, gently sweeping his thumb back and forth on my cheekbone. He could see the worry on my face and I could see tears welling in his eyes.

"I love you too. So much." The last part was barely a whisper but I heard it. The feelings that surged through me were phenomenal. I don't think I could have been more in love with him if I tried.

Our lips met again. Gerard's hand went from my cheek to my back and he pulled me in closer. Somehow I managed to twist myself around and get on top of him, he knew what I wanted. I didn't want this to be like all the other times. In fact I wanted it to be more like our first time together because it was like our first proper connection if that makes sense? We somehow managed to get our boxers off and I positioned myself over him, taking the bottle of lube from the side before I did. As I got myself ready, Gerard repositioned the pillows behind his head.

He reached his hand down between his legs and helped to guide my dick. He let out a sharp breath and screwed his eyes shut.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, you know what it's like."

I smiled at him and started moving slowly. He wrapped his arms around me and I leant down to kiss him. I wanted to take this slow. With every movement, Gerard let out deep breaths in my ear and the occasional small moan.

"Shh," I smiled and kissed him again. When I pulled away his eyes lingered on mine. I stared back into them, talking in the odd glints and the different shades of brown and green that flashed across them, taking in his dilated pupils that wavered ever so slightly after he blinked. God I love this man. After kissing him again, my pace quickened. His breathing sped up and the moans started escaping more frequently from both of us.

"Frank, slow down." Gerard said eventually, grabbing my arse and dragging what was left of his chewed nails across it. The ripple of electricity that went through me made me calm down and I reminded myself that I wanted to do this unhurriedly. That sudden sexual urge had pushed me too far though and I was close to coming.

"Gee, I think I'm gonna..." Gerard cut me off.

"Don't, I wanna cum with you." He grabbed his own dick and started working on it. His breathing became shallow and rapid again. I knew he was close. I put my hands on his hips and pushed myself deep inside him, stopping for a few seconds before pulling out again.

"Fuck, Frank. Frank." His hips bucked and I was forced to let go. We both came making a ridiculous amount of noise. When my breathing slowed down and my heart stopped pounding I pulled out of Gee, kissed him on the forehead and collapsed down next to him.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Gee. We should go clean up."

"When I can stand." Gerard laughed.


	8. The Next Day

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Next Day.**

We must have fallen asleep instead of going to clean up because when I woke up it was early afternoon and I had dry cum on me. It wasn't the best thing to wake up to. I nudged Gerard awake and told him we still needed to get clean. He didn't look too impressed which made me laugh.

"Come on, we'll go have a shower." I said with a wink.

Once we were dressed we went downstairs for a late breakfast. My mum averted her gaze and went to make a fresh pot of coffee. It went awkwardly quiet and she left the room.

"I think she heard us last night." I laughed.

"Embarrassing." Gerard shook his head and smiled into his mug of coffee.

"We should go get some chinese lanterns today." I said after finishing a slice of toast.

I shouted goodbye to my mom who was still hiding upstairs and we went to get some lanterns. Luckily there were quite a few in stock. We decided to buy six. One for me, my mom, my grandpa (my dad's dad), my grandma, Gerard and my dad.

When we got home my mom asked why we had six, I told her and she started crying again.

"Awh, mom." I smiled and gave her a hug.

"I'm happy. It's because i'm happy, Frankie." she pulled away and wiped her tears.

"Your dad would be so proud." She gave me a kiss and told me and Gerard that dinner would be ready in about an hour.

I decided that that hour would be to dedicated to writing the notes on the lanterns. We cut them neatly down the back and laid them out on the dining room table. My first sentence was a line from one of the songs i've done with Pencey,

_Smiles echo in my memory,_

_Picture perfect anniversary._

I then proceeded to write my own, more personal message beneath it. I told him that I regret leaving him behind and I wish i'd stayed. I told him about Gerard and how happy we were but that not many people accept us. I told him that if he was still here I hoped he would bring everyone to their senses and get on with it.

I told him that I was sorry. I told him that mom misses him loads and she wants him back. I started crying, Gerard had finished writing his own message and had gone to get some glue to stick the lantern back together. It was only a short message seen as how he didn't know my dad but it was still nice of him to write one. He came back into the dining room and put the glue on the table.

"Frank? What's wrong?" he asked calmly.

"Writing to my dad. I just feel like I should be telling him personally."

Gerard held his arms out and I stood up and embraced him. I felt so warm and at home when he hugged me, like I used to with my dad like the time I scraped my knee from falling off my bike or after i'd been stung by a bee when I was ten. It made me cry more. As I was sobbing into Gerard's now wet shoulder my mom came in and I heard her gasp in shock.

"Frankie, what's wrong honey?" she came over and she stroked my head. I turned around and hugged her.

"Just miss dad." I said simply.

"We all do," she said quietly, "but he's always here." I pulled away from her and saw the tears welling in her eyes.

"Right come on, your dinner's ready." she said, brushing off the tears and sitting at the dining table. We joined her and said a prayer for dad before eating.


	9. The Remembrance

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Remembrance.**

It was the anniversary of my dad's funeral. My grandpa came over at about five o'clock and gave my mom a hug. It hurts him every year to see his daughter in law so upset. He gave both me and Gerard a hug too. He's not that bothered about us actually which still continues to surprise me because he's so old fashioned but I suppose that's always been how my dad's side of the family are, they're all laid back.

I directed him to the dining room and got him to write his epistle on his lantern. He wrote a really nice message about how my dad looked after my mom so well and she couldn't have found a better husband. It said that now he was gone he constantly checked in on my mom to make sure she was okay (which is true, he calls a lot). He wrote that my dad was the best son he could ask for and that he misses him every day. Finally he asked him to leave my mom a sign every now and then to reassure her that everything's okay and that he still loves her. I glued it back together while he went to sit in the lounge with my mom.

About an hour later there was another knock on the door.

"Gee? Can you get it please? I'm helping my mom." I said from the kitchen. Gerard was in the lounge talking to my grandpa which was nice, they seemed to be getting on well.

"Yeah, sure." he said back.

"Oh it's you." said my Grandma, pushing past him and entering the kitchen.

"Hey grandma, how are you?" I asked while wrapping my arms around her and smiling at Gerard who had appeared in the doorway with a look of disbelief on his face. Most likely towards my grandmother's rude entrance.

"I'm okay darling. Now where's this lantern?" I told her it was on the dining room table and off she went, shortly followed by my mom. Me and Gerard went back into the lounge and sat on either side of my grandpa.

"I've never liked your mother's mother." he said, staring at the turned off t.v.

Me and Gerard looked at each other and laughed.

"What?" my grandpa asked when we stopped.

"We don't like her either." Gerard said with a big smile splashed across his face.

"You know, i'm beginning to like you boys more and more each day." he laughed, putting his arms around our shoulders and pulling us in. This is the reaction I know my dad would have had towards us.

After we all had something to eat it was finally dark enough to light the lanterns. We went outside and stood in the back yard.

My mom wanted us to pray before we lit them. A sigh radiated from me, Gerard and my grandpa but we we're told off and made to join hands.

"Dear Lord, we pray tonight for happiness, hope and love within this family and that no more sorrow may come unto us. Amen."

'Amen' the rest of us chorused.

My mom was the first to strike her match and light her lantern, she held it until everyone's was alight and we let them go simultaneously. Only my dad's was left. Me and my grandpa held it while my mom lit it and we let it go to follow the others. My grandpa put his arms around us and gave my mom a kiss on the cheek. I turned my head and beckoned Gerard towards me. He came over and grabbed my hand in the darkness, squeezing it reassuringly. My mom told my grandma to come over in a cracked voice, they were both crying and hugged each other tightly.

The five of us stood in a line, all linked together, watching the small dots of orange and yellow light disappear into the darkness, past the tall office buildings of the city, past the radio tower and power lines, off up to the moon.

I was smiling even though tears were streaming down my face. My mom was silently sobbing and I swear saw a tear slide down my grandpa's cheek in the pale moonlight.

"Rest in peace, dad." I said quietly, burying my face into Gerard's chest as the last lantern slipped out of view. He stroked my head gently and copied my words. "Rest in peace."

My grandpa, mom and grandma all copied my words after that then we went back into the warmth of the house where my mom made six mugs of cocoa. The extra was for my dad.


	10. The Suggestion

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Suggestion.**

We all stayed at my mom's house that night. Me and Gerard took the sofa-bed and my mom slept on the two seater. My grandma and grandpa took the beds upstairs. After a few hours of shuffling around trying to find a comfortable position, I drifted off into a dreamless sleep only to be woken up again what must have been a few hours later. My mom was sobbing quietly, I got out of bed carefully went to sit on the floor next to her couch.

"Mom?"

"Frankie," I felt her hand touch my face and stroke my cheek.

"Sing for me?"

"What if I wake Gee up?"

"I'm sure he won't mind." she said softly. She had a point. I took her hand from my cheek and held it in my own then begain to sing her a quiet lullaby, the one I always sing for her when she's upset. It's been passed down through our family for years and one day i'll sing it to my own kids.

Her whimpering soon silenced and her breathing became deeper. I stayed on the floor for a few more minutes stroking her hair.

"Frank?" I heard Gee whisper in the dark.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?" he came and sat next to me and put his arm around my waist.

"Yeah. Singing my mom to sleep." I whispered back.

"And she's sleeping now?"

"Yeah. "

"Come on, lets go back to bed."

I agreed and we both tried to get back to sleep. In a few hours we'd be going back to my house.

Morning came and me and Gerard packed our things and said goodbye to everyone. Gerard drove, I was too tired to think properly.

"Yanno, I think we should go away for a bit. A weekend maybe?" Gee said when we stopped at the lights.

"Huh?" I replied, taking my head off the window and looking at him.

"Where to?"

"Well, I was thinking, the forest?" he said hesitantly.

The lights turned green and the car moved forward. I took some time to take in what he said.

"I can't. We can't, Gerard, no."

"Why not?"

"You know why not. Don't be stupid."

"Frank, I think it'd do you good. I know you think it'll probably make things worse but it might help you to let go of-"

"Let go of what? My dad? The nightmares? The depression? What Gerard?" I could feel the anger rising inside me. I didn't want to shout at him but what did he think my reaction would be? Why would anyone want to go back to the place a loved one died?

He looked hurt, I know he didn't mean it. I watched him chew his bottom lip in regret, then anger.

"Jeez, i'm sorry. Sorry, okay I shouldn't have said it." He shook his head and took a deep breath.

I rubbed the back of my head and pulled at my hair. "I'm sorry too. But I wasn't exactly going to say yes was I?"

"I don't know. I just thought it would be a good idea since it was the anniversary yesterday. You could bury something. I don't know." He pulled into the driveway and took the keys from the ignition. Bury something. Hm, but what? I can't think of anything of my dad's that i'd want to leave in the ground. Then it hit me. I realised what Gerard was trying to say. He thought that if I can bury one of my dad's posessions and cope with leaving it behind in the dirt then i'd be able to leave my dad. Obviously he'll never leave me, i'll always have him with me and the memories but I understood Gerard's reasoning.

"Yeah actually. That's not a bad idea."

"What?" Gerard sounded a bit shocked. Of course he would be, i've just ripped his head off about it and now I think it's a good idea.

"Burying something. If I can leave it behind then i'll find it easier coping with my dad's death right?"

"Exactly." Gerard smiled at me and put his hand on my thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

After sleeping on it, I decided which object I wanted to bury. I still had my father's wrist watch that he gave me when I turned fourteen. Me and Gerard set off for the New Hampshire forest in the early afternoon. My stomach was in knots and I was nervous as fuck.


	11. the Forest

**I'll Never Let Them Hurt You**

**The Forest.**

It took me a while to just get out of the car, nevermind accept the fact that I was actually here. I tried not to fall over when we found it. I just stood near a tree and tried to hold myself up.

"Come on, Frank." Gerard said softly from the middle of the clearing. He casually walked over there and sat in the middle when we found it, I couldn't help but think that he was being slightly insensitive towards me but when he started staring into the dirt I knew some memory was playing through his mind.

I stepped out tentatively and joined him in the clearing. It was a large oval shape surrounded by trees. A single foot path and a car track led from the central road in the forest to the clearing. I walked over to the foot path slowly, almost as if retracing my steps. I turned around and looked at Gerard who was still sat there with his back to me. I imagined him sat in front of a dying fire with blankets wrapped around him, I pictured myself sitting next to him in his sleeping bag with a tent behind us. It was all flooding back.

"Gee?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?" he turned to face me, eyes brimming with tears.

"What's wrong? Aren't I the one who's supposed to be upset?" I went to sit next to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Remember this?" he said quietly.

"Yeah. I didn't want to but... we're here now."

"You see the cop cars? And the ambulances?"

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Come here." Gerard whispered, turning slightly and looking at me. I pushed myself into his chest and the tears came.

"Shh," he stroked my head and rocked me gently. We sat like this for a moment until he asked me where the watch was.

I took it from my pocket and let it lay in my palm. I just stared at it letting everything consume me. The memories, the guilt, the hate and depression that had swallowed me up all these years. Gerard's finger lifter my chin and he stared into my eyes. He didn't have to say anything. Instead he just dug his hand into the sandy earth and started scooping up the dirt.

When the hole was deep enough, he looked at me again.

"You wanna do this?"

I looked at the watch, bit my lip and nodded. I folded the strap underneath the face and laid it down facing the sky. My heart was pounding in my chest. I wanted to do this, I needed to have some kind of release from my dad's death. I stared at the face of the watch as it dissapeared under the dirt and smoothed off the top when it was covered.

Gerard, who had been sat watching quietly, leaned over the newly covered hole and hugged me tightly.

"I love you, Frank." he whispered in my ear before kissing my forehead.

"Wanna stay here for a bit?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind?"

"Why would I mind?" Gerard smiled and rubbed my arm lovingly.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

We spent the afternoon wandering around the forest, taking in its beauty and admiring the scenery. We picked some berries and went back to the clearing, laying down and staring at the sky while we ate them. Before we knew it, it was five o'clock. After watching the sunset we got back in the car and drove to a hotel nearby.

"How're you feeling?" Gerard asked as we drove down the highway.

"Happy actually. I've had a good day with you."

"Good, you're welcome."

I didn't want to tell him that I was actually feeling void of any feelings at all. I seemed to have gone numb inside. I didn't know what to make of burying my dad's watch, I wanted it back but then again I didn't. I knew what Gerard was trying to do when he got me to bury it but if it was supposed to work then it hadn't yet. I genuinely did have a good day with him though. It was peaceful being back there despite the sickness eating at my stomach.

We took our bags from the trunk and found the room. I didn't actually know where I was. Gerard said he'd been here before though.

I waited until Gerard had fallen asleep to go for a walk. I shut the door quietly behind me and pulled my jacket around me against the cold. I'd only been walking for about two minutes when I found a park at the side of the road. It was just a little thing, a set of swings, one slide and a round-a-bout was all it consisted of but it was deserted and peaceful.

I sat on one of the swings and gripped the cool metal chains in my fists. I rocked myself slowly and looked up. So many stars, makes me feel so small and insignificant. I know my dad's up there somewhere though which makes me feel less alone.

He's with me now and I know that nothing will ever hurt me.


End file.
